


Email Archive #300-08-B

by katemonkey



Category: The Losers, The Losers (2010)
Genre: Correspondence, Epistolary, Gen, Siblings, email
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-21
Updated: 2010-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-10 05:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katemonkey/pseuds/katemonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Correspondence between siblings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Email Archive #300-08-B

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: The Future is calmer with teRm Life Insurance`

We're not dead.

Don't tell anyone.

New key attached.

j2

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`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: The Future is calmer with teRm Life Insurance`

You son of a bitch.

B is crying her eyes out every night, and you tell me not to tell anyone?

And the fuck is going on anyway?

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Clean up, tune up and save with these deals`

It was meant for us - we were on the ground. We thought we saved them.

They think we're dead. Keeping it that way.

None of us injured. Like vacation, only a bit more permanent.

Not supposed to be emailing you, but couldn't help myself. Triple-lock your pgp keys, just in case.

Can't tell B - she'd tell her entire class. I wish you could.

Love you, j1. Platonically.

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Clean up, tune up and save with these deals`

Keys always triple-locked. Quadruple-locked now.

B is still crying herself to sleep. Might have to break into concept of afterlife, but that might lead to bigger problems re: resurrection.

Going down tomorrow to pick up flag/dogtag. Fuck you for making us go through this.

But I still love you. Dumbass.

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Horny Russian women want american men`

Tell B it's like when Pinky jumped out of her tank, but with her uncle.

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Horny Russian women want american men`

That isn't going to work and you know it.

Ran into Daphne at the base. You never said she was pregnant. Didn't say a word about Scooby.

She will kill you when she finds out.

I might too.

B's team is heading towards the playoffs. Wishes you were here to cheer. So do I.

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Dump Worthless Files that show up on your PC`

Found jobs in order to get passports/travel back home.

Buy B a Girls of America doll. Make sure it was inspected by #32145. Tag on the back of the dress.

El Gato works with me. Scooby's fixing mystery machines. Mufasa and Scar are doing...god only knows. Gambling, I think. And failing.

Can't complain. Girls at the factory love me and my pale ass.

Saw the stats on the team site. Freight-shipped a t-shirt from the company to the factory. Go Petunias!

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: re: Dump Worthless Files that show up on your PC`

I hate to think of what'll happen when you wear that shirt in public. DADT, what's that?

Found a doll inspected by #32145. B loves it, but doesn't know why.

Bought another one to keep MIB. Consider it a future museum piece.

Daphne called up to talk. It fucking kills me to pretend you and Scoob are dead when I know otherwise. She's gonna figure it out, y'know.

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Today we sell at -70% It Silica`

DADT doesn't count when your entire team knows.

El Gato says hi.

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica`

Oh, so you're not supposed to mail me, but you tell El Gato?

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica`

Found out about it in bed. I can't keep my mouth shut.

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica`

Apparently not. And I don't mean just talking.

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica`

Does B really like her uncle El Gato? And not just pretending, like she does with uncle Scar?

Because you might be seeing more of him. Just saying.

Um.

Yeah.

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Today we sell at -70% It Silica`

Yes. She wanted to bring home his dogtags to keep with yours.

Come home soon, stupid. And bring him with you.

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Mr. j1753822! 80% can be saved and defence`

New intel came through. Might be home sooner than we thought.

Mufasa has apparently found a new lioness.

Keep you posted.

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Mr. j1753822! 80% can be saved and defence`

So David Caruso just made a bad joke and put his sunglasses on. Another big case for the CSI.

Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, J, do NOT tell me that was you guys there.

What the fuck are you pulling?

And are you all okay?

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: 24 hour care for your aging Parents`

Can't confirm or deny reports about events in Caruso-land.

We're all in one piece.

Things are...interesting, however. Will keep you posted when I can.

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: 24 hour care for your aging Parents`

Daphne called about Caruso-land - the whole electromagnet thing time you and Scooby Doo had that mythbusters marathon and felt the need to recreate half of the experiments. I didn't tell her a thing, but I think she's getting suspicious. Not just of your sudden demise, but whether or not I know.

B's team is through to the semifinals. She wears your dogtags under her shirt.

Whatever the hell you're doing, do it quick and get home.

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Your erotic nights are here to stay`

At the Lyndon Johnson Space Center. Want any astronaut ice cream?

And do you still have those Journey mp3s?

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Your erotic nights are here to stay`

Not since you drank all my mountain dew and started singing the entire album at 2am.

You're a specially trained computer tech. Use bittorrent like the rest of us.

And, no, I don't want any astronaut ice cream.

B's team are in the finals. Go Petunias! Unfortunately, the other team are from the Love Canal side of town - check out the attached photo.

j1

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Speak a language in ten days`

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Mufasa's new lioness was a hyena in disguise.

Got injured - will live. Just made me more profane and jittery.

New key - fucking sextuple-lock this motherfucker.

Take B and go somewhere for the weekend. Get the fuck out of Dodge, J.

Please? Just in case?

I love you, J. Stay safe.

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`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Speak a language in ten days`

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Re: Speak a language in ten days`

We're alive.

Wrong about the lioness, weirdly psychic about Scar.

But we'll be home soon.

j2

 

`From: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
To: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Hot moms want to meet you`

Scrappy Doo has been brought into the world. Surprisingly, Daphne did not kill Scooby when he showed up.

Got room for your darling brother and his boyfriend?

j2

 

`From: j1753822@anonandonandon.org  
To: j2753821@anonandonandon.org  
Subject: Re: Hot moms want to meet you`

B's game's is Saturday at 2pm.

Come the fuck home already.

j1


End file.
